this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
