just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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