He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
