I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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