she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
