Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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