ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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