I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
