Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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