a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
