i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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