I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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