So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
