I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
