what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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