I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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