If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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