the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
