my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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