my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She told me I should be a condom model.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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