Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
