I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
