grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's Friday. Sex?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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