So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
