I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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