literally had 100 drinks last night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize