No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
