Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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