The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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