I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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