I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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