anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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