He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
