just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
