I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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