So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
