Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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