He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
