The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And then he peed in my hair
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