told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
