Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
