okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
