Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
