He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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