Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
