I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
