I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
