Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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