I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
