walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
