I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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