I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now sheâs a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. âHigh maintenance hotâ doesnât even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
