It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
