Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
