Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
