You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
