Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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