yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
