I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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