bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
