I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
