Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
