My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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