my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
